Dear Ejgallaher,
In the first place, 9.x products were released eons ago in "software time," and while still supported, they wont' be for long. We are now on version 11.
Note that since the advent of 10.x's protected mode and protected view, the number of udpates and patches has been dramatically reduced. 10.x also introduced cumulative updates where all quarterly updates include previous patches. Additionally, 11.x products have reduced the number of Acrobat installers from 24 to 2, and I'm sure the number of patches will continue to decline.
I should also point out that enterprise users typically start with the Admin Guide which points you to the enterprise FTP site where there are NO download pages or click through screens. So I think you are yelling about an issue that doesn't exist for educated admins.
If you want less work and more streamlined deployments, try going with the product that is not more than 5 years old.
hth,
Ben